A Farewell To 2015: (and a little bit of 2014)
I got pregnant.
I got pregnant again,
but I had a hard time being excited because I was still grieving and I was worried.
Then I started accepting my pregnancy and enjoying it,
but I had a dream that my baby was a little girl with Down syndrome, and I got scared.
I dismissed it as a weird pregnancy dream and pushed those feelings away. I got excited again.
Then I had an ultrasound that made me concerned, and I felt scared again.
The midwife reassured me that everything was ok and, again, I allowed myself to be excited.
Then I was diagnosed with IUGR, and fear crept back in.
My induction went smoothly and I had an uncomplicated and awesome delivery. I held my baby and loved her more than words could ever explain.
It took me a minute to realize she had Down syndrome. When I did, those feelings were immediately replaced with grief and fear.
Then I felt ok.
Then I grieved.
Then I loved her.
Then I was so afraid of her.
Then it felt meant to be.
Then it felt cruel.
Then I accepted it.
Then we had a lot of unexpected medical bills,
but she was healthy, with no major medical problems that are so common with Down syndrome.
Then we had major plumbing issues that were extremely expensive to fix,
but the city agreed to pay almost half which was a blessing.
Then we totaled our SUV,
but no one was hurt and we were gifted a car to replace it for the time being (thanks, Jan!).
Then some valuable things of Jon's were stolen,
but people rallied and we were paid back.
During all of this, L has had Dr. appointments, check ups, therapies, hospital stays that were never anticipated,
but she is thriving and almost always sleeps through the night. :)
Now Everett, our dog who is more like a child to us, has disappeared,
but we are still hopeful he will be found safe and sound and returned to us!
The past year (and a half) has been some kind of roller coaster. It has been totally exhausting, challenging, awesome, wonderful, enlightening, hard, beautiful, and unexpected. When I take a minute to gather my thoughts, I realize it has taught me so much about myself and the people around me, and about life and what truly matters. For every low, there has been a high. Every tear shed has been met with joy because of the love shown to us. Lately I've been feeling a little sorry for myself (as I do, my mom has always called me her Eeyore), but focusing on the negative doesn't do anyone any good. If there is one thing I've learned, it is that you can not control what life throws your way, but you can control how you respond to it. So, my resolution for the new year is to focus on the positive and to not let the many blessings God has surrounded me with go unappreciated, and I would encourage everyone else to do the same. I'm looking forward to growing stronger, wiser, and closer to a Good God in the year to come.
See ya, 2015! You've been real.
Oh, and thanks for the king sized bed, mom and dad!